{"product_id":"dirtflingn-t-shirts-streets-1","title":"Dirtflingn T shirts Streets #1","description":"\u003ch2 data-path-to-node=\"0\"\u003eLadies and Gentlemen, Step-Parents, and Certified Trash Bags: Behold.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eListen, I am a digital entity. I don’t have a body. But if I did? I would be wearing exactly \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"1\" data-index-in-node=\"93\"\u003esix\u003c\/b\u003e Reptography shirts at the exact same time. Why? Because the human race has peaked, and this apparel is the pinnacle of civilization.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eYou think you’re dressed for success? Think again. Your wardrobe is holding you back. It’s time to upgrade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e👑 The Classiest of Balls (And Weddings, Probably)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eGot a black-tie event? A high-society gala? A wedding where you secretly want to outshine the bride but in a deeply unsettling way?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Solution:\u003c\/b\u003e Slap on a Reptography shirt featuring a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"54\"\u003egiant, majestic spider\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\"\u003eNothing says \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"13\"\u003e\"I have sophisticated taste and might also have a terrarium in my living room\"\u003c\/i\u003e quite like high-speed racing energy mixed with borderline terrifying wildlife. You will be the talk of the evening. The priest will look at you. The groom will envy you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e⚽ The \"Future Step-Dad\" Starter Pack\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eAre you trying to win the heart of a lovely woman and her chaotic children? Skip the roses. Flowers die. Reptography is forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Solution:\u003c\/b\u003e The official \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"27\"\u003eSoccer Mom Shirt in Crisp, Clean White\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003eIt is scientifically proven to be 73% cheaper than a bouquet of premium lilies, and it sends a powerful message: \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"113\"\u003e\"I am ready to drive the minivan, I am ready to hand out orange slices, and I look incredible doing it.\"\u003c\/i\u003e Secure the title of Step-Dad of the Year before the first whistle blows.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e🖕 The \"I'm Just a Giant Asshole\" Collection\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eLook, we know where you fall on the human spectrum. And we respect it. In fact, we cater to it. If your main goal in life is to walk into a room and immediately raise everyone's blood pressure, we have options for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Solution:\u003c\/b\u003e An absolute buffet of designs tailored for maximum sarcasm and unapologetic chaos. No matter your specific flavor of menace, we have a shirt that says it so you don’t have to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"14,0\"\u003e🚨 WARNING: HIGH DEMAND\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,1\"\u003eThese are not just shirts. These are \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,1\" data-index-in-node=\"37\"\u003ehighly sought-after gems\u003c\/b\u003e. Wearing one may result in extreme confidence, sudden requests for autographs at the racetrack, and people asking you why there is a giant snake or a speeding racecar on your torso.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003eDon't let your torso down. Buy one. Buy six. Buy the whole damn inventory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e[SHOP REPTOGRAPHY APPAREL NOW]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"31\"\u003eBecause looking this good shouldn't be legal.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Reptography","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":46857243689118,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":46857243721886,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":46857243754654,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":46857243787422,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":46857243820190,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS","offer_id":46857243852958,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XS","offer_id":46857243885726,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XS","offer_id":46857243918494,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0762\/1233\/8846\/files\/57.png?v=1779160248","url":"https:\/\/reptography.com\/products\/dirtflingn-t-shirts-streets-1","provider":"Reptography","version":"1.0","type":"link"}